Being a long time participant in, and loser of, the battle of the bulge, I'm always looking for a not too complicated way to take off a pound or two.

I recently came across something that would not tax too many of us. No, it's not a belt designed to melt flab or a food that actually burns more calories than it puts out. It's watching scary movies.

I was actually a little perturbed when I saw a screening of "The Shining" burns about 184 calories, yet my daily 35 minute two mile walk (I'm that slow guy you always pass at Kefauver) might burn 150 if I'm lucky.

It also didn't set too well that this was about 50 more calories than my nightly "bike ride" on the Wii.

"How is this possible?" you ask, fist pounding the table, I'm sure. Well, it's one of those common sense things. When you watch a scary movie, your pulse tends to speed up and anything your body does burns calories. Even sleeping burns calories. It's why most of us only weigh 350 instead of 700.

The study was done by the University of Westminster (for lack of anything better to do, I suppose), and showed the top 10 scary movies for losing weight are:

The Shining: 184 calories

2. Jaws: 161 calories

3. The Exorcist: 158 calories

4. Alien: 152 calories

5. Saw: 133 calories

6. A Nightmare on Elm Street: 118 calories

7. Paranormal Activity: 111 calories

The Blair Witch Project: 105 calories

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: 107 calories


Rec: 101 calories.

Apparently I could give up walking and "bike" riding and just watch one of those top five movies every night and get the same effect. I've seen six of these movies and heard of nine of them. I have no idea what "Rec" is.

The study said it's "jump" moments more than gore that helps burn the calories, which would explain the lack of zombie and vampire movies on this list. I can recall moments in both "The Shining" and "Jaws" that made my skin crawl as I lifted a little out of my seat.

Now, the study said this won't work if you hide your eyes or jump behind the sofa every time a scary moment comes on the screen. I also assume it won't work if you're eating a butter covered tub of popcorn (450 calories) and washing it down with a sugar filled drink (350 calories).

Alas, this would be a limited workout in that horror movies become less frightening the more times you watch them. I almost did flip out of my seat when I was 13 and watched Danny Torrance ride his Big Wheel around the corner in the Overlook Hotel and almost run over those creepy twin girls who should not have been there (come play with us, Danny).

But now, many years later, I know it's coming and my pulse rate, and weight, stays the same.

The problem, of course, is that nothing really seems to burn calories. You might think 184 calories sounds great just for sitting and watching a movie, but that burger and fries you had for lunch totaled 800 calories alone. You'll probably down that many, or more, for dinner. Not to mention if you're a big breakfast eater.

But if you are the kind of person who watches what they eat and you decide to watch all of these movies in a row, you'd burn 1,330 calories, which is great as I'm sure a strenuous two-hour workout would probably only burn about 200 calories.

What if the doctor has you on an 800 calorie a day diet and you watch all of these movies in a 24-hour period? What if you do it several days in a row? Would you start to disappear, shrinking until you became something less than human?

I would say that'd make a good horror movie, but we'd probably all gladly do it. Gotta be better than "bike riding" on that stupid Wii.

michael.thomason@advocateanddemocrat.com | 442-4575