We're having two birthday parties in
one this week at the Kinton house. Chaos does not begin to describe
things around here.
Zeb has just turned four years old and
Taylor Rose will be two. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I have
planned events for the entire City of Knoxville and its surrounding
counties that did not require the amount of moxy I have had to muster
up for this.
I already had to put it off because
we're in a triple-digit heat wave, I threw out my back, the clutch
went out in the truck, my gym went out of business and my grandmother
died. Now, two days before the blessed event, this major wind blows
through and takes out literally every tree in our front yard.
If you've seen the movie, "The
Lorax," our yard looks like the outskirts of that town - you know
where no living thing could live? I've already been thinking about
ways to make dead trees and stumps look more inviting and less like a
scene from a horror movie. Maybe some balloons? Streamers?
I thought I had a cute theme all
planned out. I was going to do everything Dora and Diego - I even
planned to get a piсata. I already bought the candy.
I always try to do a theme that offers
something for a boy and something for a girl but also something that
goes together so it's cute, you know? Last year I did Mickey and
Minnie Mouse. Well this year I pitched my Dora and Diego idea and
even the two-year-old was against it. She wanted a fairy cake.
"Sissy! No fairies!" screamed Zeb.
He furrowed his brow and crossed his arms before leaning in to give
her a cold stare eyeball to eyeball for added effect.
Zeb wanted a cake with horses on it.
"Bub! Get out of my face!" Taylor
hissed, leaning in for equally added effect.
I got two cakes.
So far, my Dora-and-Diego-themed party
with a candy-fattened piсata beneath the shade trees has turned into
one horse cake and one fairy cake melting in the 100 degree heat
beneath the shade of nothing - maybe a few balloons?
Meanwhile, I've got a military-like
strategy to get every room in the house clean. Keep in mind this
isn't just about cleaning - it's also about keeping it clean
until the party. I've had to choose which rooms to clean and when
to clean them very carefully...
I also have not bought groceries yet.
That is not an accident. I have to wait until the night before the
party or not only will the cakes be nibbled but there will be no
chips or ice cream left for the guests!
Don't get me started on the slinking
around I've had to do to buy the kids' presents (while they were
with me in the store!) and then get them hidden in the house. I have
used code words on the phone and in person; I have put things in
other peoples' carts. You would not believe the lengths to which us
moms will go for a birthday surprise.
Taylor is getting a spring horse. I got
lucky and was able to order it online. It was shipped to the local
store, where it awaits pick up. However, since I am NEVER without the
children, I have been patiently waiting to slip out after they go to
sleep and their father is home, that is until the truck died. Will a
spring horse fit into the back of a Ford Escape? Can you tie one to
the roof of a Ford Escape? How far can a mom, who hasn't been to
the gym in a while, carry a spring horse on her back?
Next year I think I might plan a
vacation during birthday season. I don't mean a family vacation. I
mean a mom-only vacation. I mean I did all the work having them
right? They should be giving me a party!
Melissa Kinton is a stay-at-home mom.
She is currently rearing one son, one daughter, two cats, two horses,
three dogs and one husband. She may be reached at